No Tip!

MOAR TAX HIEKS PLZ! K THX!

House lawmakers in Massachusetts voted to increase the sales tax in MA to 6.25 percent, up from the 5 we were so accustomed to. Big fucking deal! What does that mean? My Double cheeseburger is going to cost $1.0625 now? Shit. That's terrible I guess, but lets face it you're just gonna go up to New Hampshire to buy that new washer/dryer anyway so while you're up there pick me up a carton of Camels and 2 gallon jug of Jagermeister. 108 votes to 51... a veto proof victory. Does anyone else think it's super lame that 'veto' is just 'vote' misspelled? Does anyone else think politics are fucking boring? Just me? Oh well, now to the weather.

Uhhhngh! Weather!

It's freakin' hot!

It's a hot day in Boston ladies and gents. Andrew Ryan of the Boston Globe refers to it as "a blast of unseasonably warm air" which, with the addendum "in the face", is probably the best description for the image above.
If the thermometer reaches 92 (which I think it already has) it will break a 'just of legal age' record of 90 degrees set in the spring of 1990. Because the dew point is particularly low this "blast of unseasonably warm air" isn't very wet... "in the face". The low humidity has actually driven the National Weather Service to raise a "red flag warning" because the high temp/low humidity combo is great for spreading fir es. This alert will be in effect until 6PM after which I hope you'll join me for a "Red Flag Warning Lifting Party: Where We Get Loaded and Kick Some Hipster Ass In Pub Trivia" at the Brendan Behan Pub in Jamaica Plain tonight... I'll be there sometime around 8.

Not so certain how to end this...

We're all gonna fucking die!

Mexican Food...

Unsure of just what to write about today I consulted my esteemed colleague M.K. Dixon. He suggested Mexican food. I love Mexican food, and with Cinco de Mayo right around the corner and our own Tequila Day fast approaching, I thought this was a great idea for a topic... initially anyway. I was going to talk about some of my particularly favored dishes and even do a little blurb about my favorite Mexican restaurant, Acapulco (no, not the chain) in Jamaica Plain, MA....

That's all well and good... but instead I got bored and thought "Shit, it'd be a whole lot more fun to just post a painting of a woman riding a hippopotamus."

Flyest ride on the block.

I really want a cheeseburger.

Probably off saving Hyrule...

The pricks I have spent my entire morning with:

Pardon me while I nerd off.

Dusted off ye old Gamecube this morning because I've had a mad desire to play some Zelda. One of the best things I ever did was preorder Wind Waker so I could have Ocarina of Time on a Gamecube disk. OoT is far and away my favorite video game ever and I've probably completed it upwards of 10 times in my life (it's a long game, and thats a shitload of time wasted). Great storyline, beautiful soundtrack and otherwise just fun game. This morning I embarked on the epic quest to defeat the evil Ganondorf and save Hyrule again for probably the first time in 5 years. It's games like this that make me realize I don't need a next gen console, not yet anyway. And when I do eventually get something new it will probably be a Wii after it has dropped significantly in price just so I can play the Wii Zelda game.

At any rate, I think I'm heading over to a BBQ at Ed & Kim's place in about 20 minutes or so. It's too nice out to spend the entirety of my last day off in the house playing video games.

OH!

Be sure to check out my new favorite blog [second only to this one (maybe third to this one and Rider Insider)]... HIZZY FITz! ... It looks like it launched about a week before OALM did and it really is fantastic. You might even go so far as to call it the Anti-Fran. Because as we all know...

Fran Sucks!Duuuhhh... I'm Fran, and you taste good baby!

Finally, the oficjalny TELEDYSK!

Well it's absolutely gorgeous in the city of Boston today. 75 degrees with the possibility of hitting, oh my god, 78. At about this point, I will be grabbing a beer or 6 from the fridge, plopping my ass on the deck and reading a book with my shirt off. Uh huh! With any luck I'll be able to avoid what happened last summer when I passed out and woke up with a book shaped white spot on my chest surrounded by a sea of red. Hey, whatever man.

---

Tonight I head to the Banshee in Dorchester to watch the Revs game... hopefully enough other people will show up so that maybe they'll like having us there (taking our money) enough to host us again. So come on down! 934 Dorchester Ave., Dorchester MA

Yes, Fran still sucks...

Everybody Sucks But Me...

So starts the last "real" day of my April vacation... and it sucks. Yesterday my dog woke up with the inability to move her hind legs. The vet checked her out and says she has a herniated disc (where the hell that came from I have NO IDEA) and anyway it's putting pressure on her spinal cord and basically paralyzing her. The two options were medication and hope, or a really expensive surgery. We of course don't have the money for expensive surgery or the credit to work out a payment plan so we opted for the medicine. Day 2 of this ordeal (Today) rolls around and she doesn't seem much better. I take her back up to the vet in about two hours for a follow up and then she goes to a neurologist this afternoon. I wish I could say I have high hopes for a good outcome but the way my month has been going (see: Mom's Stroke) I'll be lucky if we don't both die in a horrific car accident on the way back from the vet.
My birthday is next week so things really have to start getting better, right? What a bunch of horse shit.

UPDATE:

Fran kinda makes me want to puke...

I Know Why The Nicholas Caged Bird Sings...

I'm not entirely certain when Nicholas Cage became the butt of "The Internet's" joke, but I must say I approve.

For those of you not paying attention the Bruins just swept those asshole Canadiens in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals last night. This is the first time we've gotten to round 2 since our 4 game to 2 win over Carolina 10 god damn years ago. Having lost to the Habs in 02, 04 and 08 I must say this feels really fucking good. It's actually the first time Boston has swept a series since beating those canadian pricks in the Wales Conference Division Finals in 1992. Yeah, I turned 9 years old during that year's cup playoffs.

All boring stats aside, I was working really hard to hold back the tears after the win last night. If things keep going the way they are going I expect to see the Rangers in round 2. Personally I hope they beat the Caps in 7 games and show up tired after the B's enjoy their well deserved few days rest.

In Other News!

Fran Sucks!
Like... a lot.

BEES!!!

Whoa! This isn't woodshop class?

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

Rev Girls new Acquisition?

This, my friends, is the stuff nightmares are made of...



I doubt I'll sleep for a week.

Day off?!

It's Marathon Monday here in the fine city of Boston, and I am faced with a difficult decision. Now this is a day that I have, in the past, spent drinking. Today however I find myself completely god damn broke. I mean I have a few dollars, but I probably shouldn't spend it since I have to come up with a couple hundred dollars by next week in order to pay off parking tickets and delinquent excise tax before the registry will renew my license. Speaking of which it's my birthday on the 30th... send money. Ok... I'll probably get a drink or two.

After writing my first post it was brought to my attention that "rocket pizza" is a real thing. I was more than ready to call bullshit on this but I thought I'd let ye olde internette do the walking. Turns out "Rocket" is another term for Eruca Sativa... which is the fancy science term for arugula. Now I'm not one to use arugula for uh anything but far be it from me to tell people how to eat their pizza.

For the sake of fun I augmented my image search to "rocket pizza on the moon" and this is what that good for nothing webs provided me with...Oh god damn it I hate the internet.

Seriously Zac Efron?

What type of bullshit are you trying to pull? I know there seems to be a drought of creativity in Hollywood, causing movies to be remade, reinvisioned, and basically murdered by people who have probably only seen the original in passing. But of all the movies to revisit... you go with this one.

Now, I saw "18 Again" probably 18 years ago. I don't recall it being very good then. It had Pauly Shore in a minuscule buddy role and not much else to speak of. Charlie Schlatter(whose biggest role since has been "Additional Voices" in the Bee Movie video game) pretending to be a younger version of George Burns. HA! Based on the vast knowledge of IMDB we can only hope to expect the same from "17 Again" except George Burns will be played by Matthew (fucking) Perry. See none of this really matters because I have no intention of seeing this movie nor do I really care.

You know what? Fuck it...

Huge Burger?

Strange things happen when you google "huge burger". Actually they don't, you just end up with a shitload of pictures and articles about huge burgers. Case in point:


Is the internet capable of providing me with more strange images of mutants in helmets eating massive foodstuffs? I don't know, but I'm damn interested to find out. Tune in next time when I google something like "rocket pizza" or maybe I'll do something completely different. Maybe this will be the last time I ever update this thing.

Maybe shut up.