Saturday, May 23, 2009

Great so far, Pee-wee. Action Packed!

File Under: "Worthwhile"

Last night saw the largest Asshole reunion in recent history at the World Premier of "Lawson: White Heat" at the Coolidge Corner Theater in Brookline, MA. Now, I'm not really a great judge of crowd size but there were easily 4000 people there. One of the great things about this film was that it was written/directed/produced by friends of mine and, because of that, the fact that it reached completion is truly amazing (Especially with that prick John Koziol involved).

Prior to it's release it received a write up in the Weekly Dig (and I'm pretty sure that all 6 of their readers were at the theater).

From the Dig:
Guns, gore, cocaine and more cuss words than you'd care to shake a fucking stick at-—that's Lawson in a nutshell. Locally shot and produced by Barry Delehanty, Lawson serves as an homage to the shitty action and exploitation flicks that ruled the B (and C and D) grade market in the '80s, while implementing the cheeky humor used in the recent surge of action/comedies like Hot Fuzz, Pineapple Express and Observe and Report.


I personally thought it was great and I say that with no amount of bias... actually, I fucking hate these guys (Especially Koziol). The film however is pretty fucking awesome. Made with zero budget, maybe a few too many dudes butts and a shitload of Asians, this was obviously a labor of love.

The next time it's shown I will be in the theater once again and all of you mother fucking cocksuckers had better be there too.

And in case you thought, with all the Koziol bashing, that I forgot about Fran...

FUCK FRAN!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Of Vomit and Star Trek...

Showering is tough.

All things considered this was a pretty good weekend. I saw the Revs not lose, I drank a shitload of beer, I threw up and saw Star Trek. By the way... never have I shown up that late to a party (especially where they are playing Beirut) and still found that much beer in the keg... fucking amateur hour man. We drank a lot of shitty keg beer (with 5 dudes for every girl I'm not sure what else we were supposed to do) and danced along to all the gangsta hits of the 90's*. I don't really remember getting home, but I do remember waking up fully clothed on the middle of my floor at abour 8:15AM. I didn't drive folks so don't worry. Actually it was that bastard Fran behind the wheel, but we'll get to him later.

I spent a good portion of Sunday on the couch watching Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory and trying to stave off the inevitable esophageal eruption just around the corner. This so happened to be the day that my mother was making her first meal for us since she got out of the hospital. She had a stroke in late March and was in one hospital or another until late April. Feeling like death, but wanting to support my still recovering mother I came to the table and tried to eat. The second I ate that god damned carrot it just wanted out. I ran to the toilet and just barely made in time to see said carrot along with the chinese food I had forgotten I stole at the party the night before (See: how awesome I am). After I got the "all clear" from my gut I felt great. Just a quick mouth rinse I was at the table and finishing my meal.

While at dinner I learned that my parents and sister were going to see Star Trek at the IMAX Theater at Jordan's Furniture in Natick. For anyone who doesn't know Jordan's Furniture, that probably sounds reall weird but trust me it's not. I also learned that my dad had an extra ticket in the offchance that my dickhead brother or I might want to join them. As I was now feeling good and my brother still feeling the effects of a night not dissimilar from mine, I decided to take that extra ticket and we had a little family outing to the furniture store to vidi a film.

Since this IMAX theater is in a furniture store, it seems only fitting that the seats are all made of tempur-pedic foam. I mean duh. They also have subwoofers in all of the seats that they call "butt-kickers" which spent the entire 2 hours of the film numbing my ass into submission. It was great.

As far as the movie is concerned... I thought it was very good. I've been a nerd... um... er... Star Trek fan for many many years and I thought this one was great. The characters were all very well portrayed. There were more than enough throwbacks to the original series without getting too silly. Karl Urban was a great Bones and even had some of the exact same facial expressions as DeForest Kelley. My only real problem was with Sulu... Nothing against John Cho or even his portrayal really, but it just wasn't the same without Takei's creepily deep voice. But I guess it's not every century you find a gay asian man with a baritone voice like that. Aside from that minuscule issue I really enjoyed it. They did a pretty good job with explaining how it was the same but not the same as the original series. They used an established villain (well established race anyway). And most importantly, they made it an accesible film to newcomers without completely alienating the old fans. (George Lucas should take some fucking notes)

In other news... I've been coaching a middle school co-ed indoor soccer team for the past couple of months. Today we played our semifinal match and won 9-2... we actually won every game before that too. Wednesday we play in the championship game and I'm very much hoping that we won't repeat the 07-08 Patriots final. I've already decided that if we win I am going to buy my own championship banner and hang it in the gym... I don't care, I think it would be awesome.

Anyway... In closing I guess I'd just like to point out how much Fran sucks...

IT'S A LOT!




*FUN FACT: The song in the video linked here is actually my ringtone... YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Here's a fucking update...

Marked for death.


Well another hockey season ends and another year Joe slams every door in his path. One thing is for sure... the first person who fucks with me tomorrow is likely to be tackled and beaten. Please don't let this happen at work.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Who Sucks?

FRAN SUCKS!








Not DMX!
So whatever it is you puffin on that got you think that you
Superman I got the Kryptonite, should I smack
him with my dick and the mic?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Gummi Worms for Breakfast

LinkMake 'em say uuhhhnnnggh!

Went to the GWAR concert in Providence on Sunday night. This makes the 6th time I've seen them live, but first in a couple of years. The theme of this tour was that of Intergalactic Championship Wrestling (hmm guys in big foam costumes wrestling each other, what a novel concept) This tour also reintroduced Sleazy P. Martini after an absence of several years. They didn't have Gor Gor with them this time around which is unfortunate because it's a great song and a really great puppet. They did however have the massive "Reaganator" cyborg which was fucking awesome.

The chest of the Reaganator house the mangled body of his wife.

Like the morning after any GWAR show, I woke up with a sore neck and covered in fake blood (and bile). Good times.

I fear that I may have this H1N1 virus... formerly known as Swine Flu, formerly known as "The AIDS". I heard one of the symptoms is being really bored and pooping all the time. If so then I am fucked.
Me and my new cat, Dylan.

In conclusion...

PCD 4-EVA!!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

on the subject of Las Ketchup...

me: you are so gonna download this the second you get home
casey:
no
casey: i won't
me:
yes you will
casey: no i won't
me: yes.. you WILL
casey:
i'm not going to, joe
me: casey, who do you think you're kidding?
me: you don't have to make up fairy stories for my benefit
casey: it's NOT A FAIRY STORY
casey: I DON'T WANT IT
me: sure casey. sure.
casey: why don't we just drop it?
me: I believe you... but do you believe you
casey:
YOU"RE MAKIGN ME OSOOO ANGRY
me:
is it really me, or is it your unwillingness to be true to yourself?
casey: i'm going home