On the topic of Five Guys Burgers and Fries...

The burgers here sucked, trust me. I'm the man. It's party time.

Christmas Songs That Don't Make Me Want To Kill Myself (Part 5)

Well it's Christmas morning... I'm awake... a little hungover. I figured I would finish up this little series.

Oh what the fuck.

Released on December 25, 1985 "No Presents for Christmas" may actually be King Diamond's finest work. A pretty unique departure from anything he did with Mercyful Fate, K D mentions Tom, Jerry, and Donald Duck in "NPFC" and presumably did it was while singing into a femur.

Merry Christmas Jerks!


Oh and Fran Sucks!

Christmas Songs That Don't Make Me Want To Kill Myself (Part 4)

I doubt many people realize it... but "Fuck Christmas" was only FEAR's second released single. It's really short, to the point and typically mirrors the way I feel about the holiday at this point. I've been brow beaten with carols on the radio and forced to sit in traffic if I tried to drive anywhere near a store...

Christmas Songs That Don't Make Me Want To Kill Myself (Part 3)

Song number 3 comes from a Boston band that I fell in love with when I was fourteen years old and they still hold a special place in my heart today. In 1995 The Showcase Showdown released a 7" Single for their song "Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh" a loving song that tells the tale of a Vietnamese Communist revolutionary bringing forth presents...


As fun and Christmassy as the song may be, it's the B-side of this 7" that really deserves the kudos. "Merry Christmas, I Fucked Your Snowman" is a fucking awesome song and it's title pretty much speaks for itself. Enjoy.

Christmas Songs That Don't Make Me Want To Kill Myself (Part 2)

The next entry into this fun little series is from one of my favorite all girl japanese pop-punk bands. "Space Christmas" by Shonen Knife would also fall under the heading of "Songs That Make Me Want To Shit Rainbows" (which may appear on this blog at some point in the future).

Shonen Knife has proven time and time again that repetition is the key to a catchy punk tune and "Space Christmas" is no exception. We also learn exactly what "space food" is... marshmallow and ice cream, who knew?

(yeah, the video and the song are not actually related... shut up, I didn't make it)

Christmas Songs That Don't Make Me Want To Kill Myself (Part 1)

"Drinkin' Up Christmas" by the Dwarves is basically just their song "Better Be Women" with different lyrics. It's pretty great for that reason alone.

Dead or alive, you're coming with me...